


As Long as I Live, I’ll Come Back

by jaime_les_corbeaux



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bonding, Daemon Feels, Daemon Separation, Depression, Domestic Avengers, Fluff and Angst, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, M/M, Not everything will be angsty lol, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, We back in 2012 baby, for now, tags may be added as we go along, warnings will be at the beginning of any chapter that needs them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2020-08-14 00:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20183311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaime_les_corbeaux/pseuds/jaime_les_corbeaux
Summary: Steve woke up without his daemon.It was covered up, of course. No one could know that Captain America—the paragon, symbol of freedom and justice—didn’t have a daemon, even though that wasn’t strictly true. Steve knew that she was out there somewhere. She was looking for him. He’d be looking for her if he knew how to.If he had the time.If he could.In SHIELD’s eyes, him not having a daemon was a massive bonus. So, he’d given up on finding her. Even though every step hurt like hell..Tony was different, in many ways. One of them was that he had a same-sex daemon.Nowadays, it wasn’t that weird - really more of a quick head-scratcher and a fun trivia bite. They used to think it meant the human was gay, but that was false. Truthfully, no one knew what caused it, just that it was...different. Interesting.Tony used to think he was the strangest thing around. Then Captain America came out of the ice, aliens invaded New York, and the Captain revealed that he didn’t have a daemon. Or, didn’t know where she was. And damn it all if Tony wasn’t going to help...in between trying to help with other things.**(temporary hiatus 😔)**





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, maybe starting another multi-chapter fic isn’t such a good idea, but...I got an idea and got so excited...so...yeah.
> 
> His Dark Materials is probably my favourite book series of all time, and daemons are just such a great concept. I’ve wanted to write a Marvel daemon fic for a while, and finally came up with a good plot. Well, good enough.  
By the way, all the daemons’ forms were decided through reading the analysis' and portraits on TDF. The names were picked either through mashing together certain words in other languages or just...because I liked them. The title is a quote from the end of The Amber Spyglass.
> 
> This fic will alternate between Steve, Tony, and Steve’s dae’s POV. 
> 
> This is unbeta’d, and written on mobile lmao. Sorry for any mistakes!
> 
> Without further ado, I hope you enjoy!

_I’ll get help, Steve. They’ll find you. We’ll be okay._

_That was what Amasarrah told herself, over and over, trying to stay awake, trying to keep her mind clear, trying to push away the pain._

_God, the pain. It was like nothing she’d ever felt before. It was deep and all consuming, like her very_ soul _was being ripped out of her. She could barely form coherent thoughts, so she kept repeating that line to herself. She couldn’t let herself succumb to the darkness on the edge of her mind, trying to push in. That was Steve. She knew that he was no longer conscious. It was only a matter of time before Ama closed her eyes, too, but she couldn’t. And it felt...different, somehow. _

_Before the pain—god, the pain, she wasn’t even sure if she was still walking. She was on autopilot, unable to feel the cold against her paws, the burn in her legs, the ice forming on her fur—if Steve had been knocked out, she would have almost immediately gone with him. Now, it felt different. Distant. Steve wasn’t there, like he normally was. She knew he was alive, but-_

_Ama screamed, or she thought she did, as whatever it was causing the pain—well, she knew what it was, but she wouldn’t let herself think about that—gave one last tug, and something deep inside her tore away. She stumbled and fell, lying limply on the freezing cold ground. _

_A part of her was gone - would be forever. She could tell. A different kind of pain settled in, and she drew her paws around her head._

_She had to keep moving. She had to._

_I’ll get help, Steve. They’ll find you. We’ll be okay._

_We’ll be okay._

_They had to be._

_She thought of the people she and Steve had grown to care for. They were waiting for them. They’d be able to help. They’d find Steve._

_Colonel Phillips, Stark, the Howling Commandoes, Peggy. _

_Peggy._

_Ama felt a strange anger. Steve would marry Peggy. He loved her, and she loved him. Or, they thought they did. Ama knew better. She didn’t want them to marry. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t quite right in a way that she couldn’t really explain. She liked Peggy, of course, but the woman was like a glove that was just slightly too tight. You could live with it, but it would never be completely comfortable. _

_Steve would never quite be truly happy with her._

_Ama wondered if she even wanted to find them, for them to find Steve, for everything to be okay. Or for everything to seem okay._

_They’ll find you, Steve. Someone will. Eventually._

_Ama closed her eyes. She didn’t have the strength to keep going._

_We’ll be okay._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, these two chapters are pretty short. The next one will be longer.
> 
> Either way, hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Quick warning for depression and loneliness in this chapter. Steve is a sad boy.)

Steve woke up missing something.

The pain hit him almost the instant he opened his eyes, and the first thing that came out of his mouth when that strange, slightly off woman came in was _”Where’s Ama?”_

Then he learned what had happened. Where he was. That Ama hadn’t been seen since Steve last was. That no one knew where she was, how this happened. That everyone assumed his daemon had been frozen with him.

Steve remembered what happened. Remembered breaking the window, and Ama jumping through right before the _Valkyrie_ hit the ice. Remembered stepping up to it, about to jump through after his daemon, but having to get that last sentence out to Peggy, to hear her voice-

Then they’d crashed, and he’d been thrown away from the window. He’d hit his head. He’d felt the horrible, indescribable pain deep in his soul, and his vision had gone dark. The last thing he’d thought before he blacked out completely was _I’m sorry, Ama._

When he opened his eyes, he was almost 70 years in the future, and no one knew where his daemon was. He just knew that she was out there, somewhere. He could feel it.

For a while, he was alone in his SHIELD issued apartment, without even his daemon for company. He’d been given strict instructions, and a few pamphlets and guides on the modern world. The guides were annoyingly helpful. The instructions, on the other hand...

One of them was that he had to keep a bag on him in public at all time, and talk to it periodically, to give the illusion of having a small daemon in there. Of course, the public couldn’t know that Captain America didn’t have a daemon, and even if they didn’t know who he was, anyone without a daemon was...well, horrifying. Barely human. 

A monster.

Steve understood why the rules were there, really, and he followed them, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Not wanting to have to bother with them, he spent most of his time at home, which lead to a lot of thinking, not all of it welcome.

He cried an embarrassing amount of times, until there were no tears left. Just a cold emptiness. He wasn’t sure if he preferred it to the pain.

Every day he woke up. Looked down at his side, where Amasarrah always slept. Remembered. Got up. Went for a run. Came back. Made breakfast. Ate. Thought. Went to the gym. Came back. Got lunch. Ate. Thought some more. Tried to pass the time with the television, or his phone, but he didn’t really understand them, so it normally resulted in either frustration, or a fresh wave of heaviness that hit him like a brick. Made dinner. Ate. Thought even more. Went to bed. Lay there for an hour or two. Slept. Woke up. Repeat.

Steve had gone to one required therapy session when he’d first woken up. The woman had smiled at him when he sat down, introducing herself and her daemon. Steve had smiled back, and told her his name. After a few moments of silence, the woman’s smile had faltered. “And your daemon?” She’d asked, and Steve had just blinked, not knowing what to do, and beginning to panic.

The woman had looked momentarily horrified, scooting away unsubtly, before smoothing out her features, and giving a professional nod. They’d stayed in silence for the rest of the session, on opposite sides of the room.

Steve hadn’t gone back, and he had a feeling that she was fine with that.

God, he missed Amasarrah. 

When Fury approached him about the Avengers, Steve was almost a bit excited. Finally, something to _do._ A fight. He hadn’t known what to do with himself without the war, without a fight. He didn’t exactly miss it, but it had given him purpose. It was literally his whole reason for existing.

Besides, it wasn’t like his life could be much worse. So he suited up.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony had always been different.

It started with his daemon, Praetikos, being male, as well as Tony being...gifted. After Afghanistan, he had a nightlight in his chest, and became a literal superhero. Iron Man. He was different, and didn’t mind. At least it made conversation easy.

People asked about Prae a lot, and Tony never really knew how to answer them. No, he didn’t know why Prae was male, either. Why did it matter? He always got annoyed when people asked about his daemon, and Prae, sat on his shoulder, would pull on his ear and remind him to be nice. 

Praetikos was a golden lion tamarin, and frankly, he was adorable. He would always either preen when people called him that, or become grumpy. It was a coin toss. He didn’t talk all that much, a sharp contrast to Tony, but kept him sane. Prae was his constant, the one thing that would always be there, no matter what.

When Tony’s parents died, he’d held Prae close, and the daemon had made sure he didn’t do anything that might hurt himself when Rhodey couldn’t be there. 

When Tony got too deep into a bottle, Prae was there to gently tug it out of his hands and tell him to drink water.

When they were captured by the Ten Rings, Prae, along with Yinsen, kept Tony sane, and focused on one thing - escape. The daemon’s nimble hands were a lot of help when it came to building the first Iron Man suit.

(And when they got home, and the full weight of what had happened hit Tony, Prae stayed close while he cried, and reminded him of everything good.)

When palladium poisoning had started to set in, Prae had gotten angry, truly angry, for the first time in a while.

_”We’re dying,”_ he’d said, his little face only a few inches away from Tony’s, _”and what are you doing about it? Nothing.”_ He’d softened, then, eyes turning pleading. _”C’mon, Tony. We’ve survived worse than this.  
We’ve been through so much. You can figure something out, I know you can._ We _can. No more sitting on your ass, okay?”_

They’d survived. Prae had been right, they’d figured something out. He was always right. 

And then came the Avengers Initiative.

Tony had been one of the first people Fury told about finding Captain America. He’d thought it was bullshit, but apparently not. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting when he walked onto the helicarrier, but it certainly wasn’t what he’d gotten.

A fight with Captain America. And the man’s daemon was nowhere in sight.

It was certainly strange. He’d seen pictures of Cap’s daemon, heard stories about her. Amasarrah, a caracal. Feisty and determined, though maybe stubborn was a better word for her. She would have glared at Prae haughtily, probably, expecting to easily intimidate a daemon a third of her size, but Prae wasn’t easily moved. 

Tony didn’t see her. He saw nothing.

Perhaps Cap’s daemon had changed forms when he came out of the ice? Something small, easy to hide. Maybe Cap was ashamed. Now that was a thought.

_”Sometimes,”_ Jarvis had told him once, his beautiful Irish wolfhound daemon laying next to him, _”people’s daemons change, even if they thought they were settled. And it’s okay if you’re not yet settled, even if you’re an adult. It will happen. It takes time.”_

Prae had settled rather early, at 14. Tony hadn’t been disappointed, but he had wished that Prae could still turn into things like dragons to scare people. Oh, well. Howard had been proud. It meant Tony was mature for his age, ahead of his classmates, even though they were several years older than him.

Regardless, now Tony was fighting side by side with the good Captain, Prae nestled in a little compartment on the back of the suit (complete with its own HUD!) He wondered if Amasarrah was in Cap’s belt. Maybe she was a vole. Weren’t voles the aggressive ones? Tony wasn’t sure. He didn’t really know much about animals past the books every kid read about dae forms and what they meant, and most of that was bullshit anyway.

Honestly, Tony wasn’t sure of anything anymore, because there were aliens invading New York, coming out of a portal in the sky, and he was fighting them along with Captain America, a giant, angry green monster who was actually usually a pretty normal guy, and a literal god.

So, yeah.

“Watch out!” Prae said, and Tony turned just in time to blast an ugly alien in the face.

“Christ,” he muttered, “they just keep coming.”

“We need to close that portal.”

“Yeah, they’re working on it.” Tony sighed, scanning the area. “God, this is the worst.”

He flew lower, and Prae let out a cry, but it was too late. Tony was tackled by one of the aliens, and he shouted as he went down, two more of the Chitauri jumping up and bringing him to the ground. 

He heard the click that meant Prae’s compartment had been opened, and fear shot through him as he felt one of the aliens strike him right there, but suddenly the attacks stopped. Tony leaped up and brought the stunned looking Chitauri down—he suppressed a shiver - the things didn’t even have daemons, they were horrible—and looked around frantically.

“Prae?” he called, and startled when a little face appeared in front of him.

“I think I confused them,” Prae said with a tiny laugh. “They took one look at me and just froze.”

Tony grinned under the mask. “Thanks, buddy. Good job.”

Suddenly, a voice sounded in his ear, interrupting them. _”Stark, you hear me? You have a missile headed straight for the city.”_

Tony froze. “How long?”

_”Three minutes, max.”_

Tony cursed. Of fucking course. 

At least he knew what to do with it. It was perfect - New York would be fine, but the ugly fuckers attacking it wouldn’t. He smiled grimly, and was about to take off, when Jarvis spoke.

_”Sir,”_ Jarvis said, _”Praetikos’ compartment has been damaged. He won’t be able to get in.”_

Tony felt like someone had dumped a bucket of freezing cold water on him. “Fuck. Okay.”

He knew what he had to do, even if he didn’t like it one bit.

“Jarvis, when we go, put everything we have into the thrusters.”

_”Of course, sir.”_

“Prae,” Tony said, quieter, “you can’t come with me.”

Prae’s eyes widened. “No. No, no. That’s not happening.”

“I’m sorry, Prae.” He gently placed the daemon on a car, and backed away. “Please, stay safe. I’ll come back for you. I’m so sorry, but it’s not safe. There’s nowhere- it’s not safe.” His voice cracked, but he pretended it didn’t. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

“Jarvis,” he said, not trusting himself, “put the suit on autopilot. We’re putting that missile through the wormhole.”

“Tony, no! Tony, don’t you dare- come back! Please! Tony!” Praetikos’ frantic voice faded as Tony shot into the sky, and then the pain started.

God, the pain.

His heart was cracking in two, his very soul was being ripped apart. He gasped and sobbed, barely hearing what the Black Widow just said. She was about to close the portal.

_”Do it!”_ Cap insisted, and panic shot though Tony. 

“No,” he managed to choke out, “wait, don’t. I’ve got a nuke coming in, it’s gonna blow in less than a minute...and I know just where to put it.”

He wondered, briefly, if he’d make it back, before the pain consumed him again. He barely registered as he grabbed the missile, redirecting it.

_”Stark...you know that’s a one-way trip.”_ Cap said, and Tony shook his head. Jarvis said something, but he didn’t hear it. He was glad he’d put the suit on autopilot, because otherwise he knew he’d turn around, go back to Prae.

“Prae,” he whimpered, “Prae. I’m sorry. God, _fuck-“_

The mouth of wormhole yawned in front of him, and he was through. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, screaming in agony as something inside him was torn apart, thrown away, it was _gone-_

He managed to open his eyes through the tears, breathing heavily. The pain started to fade, replaced by a dull ache.

He couldn’t feel Prae. 

He couldn’t feel Prae. 

He couldn’t-

Space was beautiful, but he couldn’t enjoy it, and the scene in front of him was nothing less than terrifying.

The mothership, he guessed, was there, and thousands more of the aliens were headed his way. 

His suit went dark, and he let go of the missile, falling backwards.

He watched as it hit the ship, and exploded.

He closed his eyes.

He fell.

_I’m sorry, Prae._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going away soon, so I might not be able to update anything in a while.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you’re enjoying this! Comments and kudos make my day <3


	4. Chapter 4

“Son of a bitch.”

Steve watched as Stark fell from the wormhole. Honestly, he’d been fully expecting for the man to not come back out. It was a pleasant surprise.

Well, except for the fact that he wasn’t slowing down.

The Hulk caught him, placing him not so gently on the ground, and Steve ran over. He turned Stark over, and Thor ripped off the man’s faceplate.

The light in his chest was out.

Steve gently placed his hand on it, then stepped back, a quiet feeling of remorse spreading through him. The things Steve had said on the helicarrier...he’d been cruel, and wrong. And now he’d never get the chance to apologize.

Suddenly, the Hulk roared, and Stark startled awake, eyes wide, breathing heavily. 

“Woah,” he gasped, “what- what happened? Please don’t tell me anyone kissed me.”

Steve sighed, relief coursing through him. He looked up at the sky, where the wormhole had been. It was blue as anything, no wormhole in sight.

He turned back to Stark, and smiled. “We won.”

Stark sighed, relaxing. “Great. Wahoo. Let’s just- let’s just not come in tomorrow, guys.” He winced, face twisting for a second. “Uh, have you guys ever tried Shawarma? I haven’t but I want to. Let’s go- let’s get some.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Hey, where...where’s Prae? Something doesn’t feel right. He out cold?”

Steve froze. “Your daemon...?” he asked tentatively. Wait, where was Stark’s daemon? Hadn’t he been on the back of the suit? If he wasn’t there-

Stark nodded impatiently. “I can’t- I don’t know where he is. Where is he?” He opened his eyes and looked around, and Steve saw a brief flash of panic in them. “Prae? Prae! Is the bastard sleeping?”

Steve swallowed, and glanced at Thor, dread pooling in him stomach. “Stark,” Steve said hesitantly, “you and your daemon...I think you were separated. If he’s not with you...I don’t know where he is.”

Stark froze, and then his eyes widened in horror. “Shit,” he gasped. “I remember. I remember, I left him- I left him! It hurt. It hurt so bad. Where is he?” Stark tried to get up, and Steve gave him a hand, pulling him to his feet. 

“Prae!” Stark shouted, looking around wildly. “Praetikos! Where are you? I’m sorry, buddy, I’m so sorry, please, just...where are you? Prae!”

Steve swallowed. He knew exactly what Stark was going through. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will away the memories. 

“We’re not done,” Thor said, his voice bringing Steve back to the present. Stark shook his head.

“I don’t care, you guys can handle it. I need- I need to find Prae.”

Steve sighed, and stepped forward, putting a gentle hand on Stark’s shoulder. “Stark,” he said, “we need you with us. Your daemon will be okay, we’ll find him later.”

Stark paused, staring at Steve, a battle raging behind his eyes, before he squeezed them shut, and nodded. “Yeah. Okay. We’ll find him. For now...” he shook himself. “Okay. Let’s go.”

They took care of Loki, the sceptre, and the tesseract, and while Thor went back to Asgard with his brother, the rest of the Avengers stood outside of the tower, somewhat awkwardly.

Steve shook Stark’s hand, and frowned. “Look, I just wanted to apologize for what I said. It was out of line, and clearly, I was wrong.”

Stark smiled. “Hey, no hard feelings, Cap. For the record, I’m sorry, too. I said some shitty things.” He cleared his throat, turning away from Steve.

“Also,” Stark continued, “I just wanted to let everyone know that you’re all welcome to stay in the tower - your rooms will be ready in a few days, probably, if you want to stay.” He grinned. “I’d ask Goldilocks, too, but he took off already. So-“ he turned back to Steve- “What do you say? And if you don’t want to right away, that’s fine, just know that the invitation’ll never expire.”

Steve paused, thinking. He didn’t like his apartment, and it wasn’t like he had anything particularly important, there. Besides - living with other people might be nice. Having people to talk to would mean less time alone with his thoughts.

So, he nodded. “I’ll take you up on that. Thanks, Stark.”

Stark raised an eyebrow. “If you’re living under my roof, you should call me Tony.”

Steve blinked. “Okay. Thanks, Tony.”

Stark- _Tony,_ smiled. “My pleasure.” He turned to the others. “Anyone else?”

They all accepted - Natasha first, surprisingly. “Better than SHIELD’s places,” she said with a shrug.

Stark clapped his hands together. Steve wondered if he was the only one who noticed that they were shaking. “Great! Okay, well, I’ll let you know when everything’s ready.”

A couple of days later, Steve showed up at the tower, bags in hand, and was welcomed not by Tony, but a disembodied voice.

_”Hello, Captain Rogers. Welcome. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”_

Steve startled, and looked around. “Who said that?” he demanded, and whipped around to the sound of laughter.

Tony stood, bags under his eyes, looking worn out, but grinning at Steve nonetheless, even if it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Captain,” he said extending an arm to gesture dramatically at the interior of the floor they were on, “welcome to my humble abode. Well, ours, now. I see you’ve met Jarvis already.”

Steve frowned. “Jarvis?”

“My AI,” Tony explained, taking one of Steve’s bags. “Stands for ‘Just A Rather Very Intelligent System.’ He pretty much runs everything around here. And,” he added, looking back at Steve as they walked down a hall, “you don’t have to look at the ceiling when you talk to him, or anywhere, really.”

Steve nodded, pretending to understand, but really just more confused and full of wonder. Artificial intelligence. The future really was amazing. He chuckled. This was far more interesting than any flying car.

“So,” Tony was saying, “you’ve got your own floor. Communal floor—with the big kitchen, tv room, and all that—is easy access for all the Avengers, just press the one that says “C” on the outside of the elevator. And here’s your room!”

Steve stopped, blinking. It was a large space, with a massive, white bed in the middle, clean and soft looking. There was a desk in one corner, with far too many drawers, and an empty easel in the other. The desk, dresser, and bedside tables were warm, brown wood, and a far too big closet stood open. The windows were big, spanning almost the entire far wall. 

He swallowed, opening his mouth to thank Tony, but instead what came out was - “My own floor?”

Tony nodded, placing the bag he’d been carrying down gently. “Yep. You’ve got a kitchen, dining room, recreational room, with a tv, bookshelf, gaming system—I’ll help you work that out—and some arty things. Also a gym. It’s little, and nowhere near as good as the big, proper one, but you can use it.”

A whole big floor for Steve to hang about aimlessly. The whole reason he’d wanted to be here was so that he could actually interact with people, be less lonely. Not only have the company of his thoughts all the time. “Oh. I- thanks, Tony. Geez, I don’t need all this, this is- you didn’t have to do all this for me. I’d have been fine with just my own room. But,” he added hastily, “thank you. Really.”

Tony smiled. “No problem, Cap. Seriously.” He patted Steve on the shoulder, and turned to leave. Steve, gripped with sudden panic, dropped his bag, and followed Tony out. Tony looked surprised, but he quickly masked it, and gave Steve a grin. It seemed forced, though, and Steve frowned.

“Hey,” he said as they reached the elevator, “you okay? You don’t look too good.”

Tony froze, looking at the elevator doors as they closed, everything about his body language screaming that he wanted to get out, but after a second, he seemed to force himself to relax, and he turned to Steve with an obviously fake smile. “‘Course,” he said. “Just tired. You know, cleanup, getting everything ready for you guys...” he shrugged. “It’s fine, though. Give me a couple of days and I’ll be good as new.”

Steve frowned, but didn’t push it. Instead, he gave Tony a nod, and turned to the doors. They stood in a slightly tense silence, until the elevator dinged, and they walked out onto the communal floor. 

Tony cleared his throat. “Actually, about what you said, I’m fine, but...you know, I miss Prae, and, uh, Pepper—my girlfriend—and I broke up. So. Just takes a lot outta you.”

Steve risked putting a gentle hand on Tony’s shoulder, and the man tensed, but didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry,” Steve said, really meaning it. “Especially about- about your daemon. I understand.”

Tony gave a stiff nod and a smile. “Thanks, Cap,” he said, ducking his head. “Yeah. I- thanks.” With that, he walked away, and Steve got the sense that he shouldn’t follow, this time.

He spent the rest of the day on that floor, talking to Jarvis and asking the AI about things from the future. It was a bit weird, as Steve didn’t know where to look, but Jarvis was friendly, and very helpful. Steve managed to compile a list of things to research later, before he heard the elevator doors open, and the rest of the Avengers stepped out.

Tony was talking animatedly, explaining all of the different things he had in the tower. Steve waved at them with a smile, and followed them into the kitchen.

Clint hopped up onto the counter immediately, depositing his daemon, an Egyptian mongoose, beside him. Her name was Srinimith, but Clint called her Nim. She turned to him and said something, causing Clint to break out into laughter. Steve looked away, feeling the familiar burn of jealousy.

Natasha leaned on the counter a few feet away from Clint, her daemon—a tayra named Taceltio—draped around her shoulders. She looked around the room, raising an eyebrow at Steve when their eyes met. Feeling self-conscious, he looked away.

Bruce was beside Tony, shifting his feet. Tsuralni, his daemon, was an American badger, talking to him in a low voice from her position by his feet.

“Hey, Cap,” Clint said, fiddling with an arrow he had pulled out of nowhere, “where’s your dae? None of us have seen or even heard of her. Is she-“

“Drop it, Clint,” Natasha said suddenly, though Steve could barely register what she’d said to be grateful. He’d frozen, suddenly feeling ice cold as he remembered the darkness of the plane, the water rushing in, the pain as he and Ama were separated. Where was she? Why hadn’t she come to find him yet? Why-

“You okay, Cap?” a low voice said right next to his ear, and Steve jumped, leaping back and shoving the body next to him away. He heard a yelp, but then silence, and looked up, mind slowly clearing. 

Tony stood a few feet away, brow furrowed, staring at Steve. Bruce was next to him, a hand on his shoulder, Tsuralni circling Tony nervously. Natasha was looking at Steve, eyes narrowed, a knife in her hand. Taceltio, previously relaxed around her neck, was standing up, attentive. Clint, sat on the counter, was just staring, looking between Steve and Tony, Srinimith doing the same thing beside him.

Steve swallowed, putting two-and-two together. He looked at Tony, and forced himself to relax out of the defensive position he was in. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to push you like that. I just- Am- my daemon doesn’t like people all that much, and doesn’t like people talking about her, or to her, and she panicked, and I panicked, and...I’m sorry,” he finished lamely, drooping. Tony relaxed, though his eyes were slightly narrowed.

“It’s fine, Cap,” he said, waving a hand, “it was my fault, anyway. I should have known not to surprise you like that.”

Steve frowned, opening his mouth to argue, when Natasha spoke up. 

“It’s no one’s fault,” she said, stepping forward, “we just need to keep this in mind.” She turned to Clint giving him a look, and he raised his hands in surrender.

“Sorry, Cap,” he said, guiltily. “I didn’t think that would happen. My bad.”

Steve nodded. “It’s okay, Barton.”

Though the atmosphere was slightly tense after that, they fell back into a casual conversation. Steve couldn’t quite relax, although at least he knew that no one would ask about Ama. He didn’t realize that he’d been silent for a bit, lost in thought, until Tony appeared at his side.

“Hey,” Tony said, soft enough that none of the others could hear, “are you okay? Seriously. You can trust me.”

Steve sighed, and turned to look at Tony. “I...” part of him wanted to tell him, really, but also, he and Tony weren’t close, and Steve wasn’t sure how he’d react. People without daemons were...soulless. Yeah, Ama wasn’t really _gone,_ but it was basically the same thing, seeing as Steve had no idea where she was and if he’d ever find her.

If they found out, would they kick him off the Avengers? Steve felt cold fear shoot through him. This was all he had. He couldn’t go back to nothing. SHIELD would find him things to do, give him missions, but it wasn’t the same.

He shook his head. “I’m fine.” Maybe if he said it enough he’d believe it himself. “I’m fine.”

Daemonless, weak, and a coward. But not weak enough to drag other people into this. Not quite.

Tony frowned, but nodded, giving Steve a small pat on the shoulder. “Okay,” he said, “but please, Steve, if you need to, you can talk to me.”

Steve gave a smile. “‘Course,” he lied.

Tony went over to Bruce, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts. He still felt terrible about pushing Tony, but what was done was done, so he tried to push it out of his mind. He’d apologized, and Tony hadn’t really been hurt, so it was fine. It was done. Steve sighed, wringing his hands.

“Ama,” he said quietly, “I miss you. I wish you were here.”

They all stayed there in the kitchen, Clint and Natasha talking quietly, Tony and Bruce chatting about some science stuff. Steve wasn’t sure whether he was glad that no one tried to talk to him.

_”Sir,”_ Jarvis said suddenly, _”Praetikos is about to exit the elevator.”_

Tony froze, and swallowed audibly. “He’s here?” 

_”Yes, and he appears quite distraught.”_

Tony slowly turned, walking out of the kitchen, and Steve and the others quietly followed.

Tony stood in front of the elevator, watching as it opened. A small tamarin sat in the middle, and it stood up when it saw Tony, taking a step forward.

“Prae?” Tony said, voice small.

“Tony!”

They ran to each other, Prae leaping into Tony’s arms. They sobbed and held each other tightly, and Steve, watching, felt a small stab of jealousy, though he quickly shoved it down.

“I’m sorry-“

_”Never_ do that _again-“_

“I’m so sorry-“

“I’m sorry-“

“I missed you so much-“

“It hurt so _bad-“_

“I know, I know-“

Natasha looked at Clint, and the two silently left the room. Bruce watched them go, and then followed, with one more glance at Tony and Prae’s reunion. Steve swallowed, watching them for another second. He understood why the others left - this felt private. 

God, he wished he had Ama.

_Don’t be jealous,_ he thought, mad at himself, _be happy for them._

He gave a soft sigh, then turned and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce and Nat’s daes were the hardest for me to choose, and they might not actually fit completely :/  
(I got sort of impatient towards the end and just went with the closest choice, but I definitely could have tried harder and found better fits,,,,sorry)
> 
> Either way, hope you enjoyed! The next chapter won’t take that long.
> 
> (And thank you for all the comments <3 they make my day!)


	5. Chapter 5

_The world is strange. It’s changed. Technology, clothing, the way people talk and act. _

_Amasarrah stopped, sitting down. Her paws and legs ached fiercely, and her head was spinning. She barely registered what was around her, shrinking back instinctively from the hoards of people passing by. No one looked at her. A few daemons had glanced at her, but darted away fearfully._

_Ama didn’t know where she was, or how she’d gotten here. She only remembered walking, swimming, walking, the cold giving way to something else. Time passed. She hadn’t stopped. She didn’t know when she’d arrived here._

_She missed Steve. She was partially mad at him - they could have gotten away together. Whether they would have survived, she didn’t know, but it would have been better than this. Right?_

_No. This was meant to happen. Was it? How could something as horrible as this be fate? Maybe this was okay. Steve wouldn’t marry Peggy. Who was Peggy? Ama didn’t know. She was frustrated. She’d liked Peggy. That she could remember, but Peggy couldn’t—shouldn’t—marry Steve. It wasn’t right. Was it?_

_Well, who was he supposed to marry? What was marriage? Humans liked it. Did they? Some weren’t happy. Steve would have been. No, he would have thought he was. Wanted to be. He would have been restless. Ama didn’t know how she knew this. She didn’t know anything anymore._

_Steve. Who was Steve? Ama knew the name, recognized a feeling of warmth, frustration, home. Steve was gone - that much she knew. _

_No human. How could a daemon exist without a human? Gone, gone, gone. Steve was gone, Ama was gone._

_She was walking again. She didn’t know where. Perhaps it would take her to Steve._

_No. Steve was gone._

_What was she supposed to do? _

_The air was heavy with cigarette smoke, laughter, loud voices and loud clothes. Loud daemons and people who didn’t care. Anger. Joy. Ama had to lie down. _

_The world is strange._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Thanks again for all the comments <3 I’m glad people are enjoying this fic!)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for child abuse in the beginning of this chapter - skip to the paragraph that begins with **_“Jarvis was cutting vegetables,”_** to avoid it. Nothing overly bad, but it’s still there.

_  
Tony giggled, peeking out of the tiny crack between the doors of the wardrobe he was hiding in. Prae, a mouse on his shoulder, shushed him playfully, and Tony shushed him back, giggling again. _

_Tony looked up sharply when he heard footsteps enter the room, holding his breath. In his excitement, he didn’t realize that it wasn’t the sharp click of his mother’s heels that he was hearing. Prae froze, nose twitching, but Tony paid him no attention, single-minded in his goal to scare his mother._

_He burst out of the wardrobe, hands outstretched, laughing and yelling, and his father turned sharply towards him, eyes hard and hot with anger. Tony stopped abruptly, backpedaling. Prae leaped in front of him, wolf-formed, a growl starting in his throat, but he was kicked aside, and Tony yelped with his daemon, hitting the floor._

_“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Howard spat, holding the front of Tony’s shirt in two painfully tight fists and shaking. “How many time have I told you not to come in here? Jumping around and making a fucking racket, no less!”_

_Tony whimpered, shying away from the anger and the stench of something sharp and bitter on his father’s breath. He stammered an apology, trying to scoot away._

_“Damn right you’re sorry!” Howard shouted. “Now get the fuck out of here, and never do that again! Acting like a fucking baby-“_

_He let go of Tony, and the boy wasted no time, scrambling away. He grabbed onto Praetikos’ neck where the daemon had his ears back and teeth bared, facing off against Howard’s snarling daemon, and the two ran - out of the room, down the hall, and to the kitchen._

_Jarvis was cutting vegetables, but he looked up sharply along with his daemon when Tony and Prae appeared, both shaking. Jarvis put down the knife he’d been holding, and crouched down, opening his arms. Tony threw himself into Jarvis’ embrace, unable to stop the tears from coming. Jarvis tutted, gently rubbing Tony’s back. _

_“Now, now,” he said softly, “it’s okay, Anthony. You’re okay.”_

_Tony sniffled, burying his face in Jarvis’ neck. They stayed that way until Tony had stopped crying and the shaking subsided, and then Jarvis pulled back, his hands on Tony’s shoulders._

_“Would you like to help me with supper?” he asked, and Tony nodded, rubbing his eyes to rid them of tears. Jarvis gently took his hand, and helped him onto a chair, where he tasked Tony with washing vegetables and putting them in a bowl._

_A minute or two later, Maria, face drawn, walked into the kitchen to find Jarvis and Tony working happily together, Praetikos a small monkey on Jarvis’ irish wolfhound’s head. Maria smiled, relaxing, and watched for a while longer._

_Suddenly, the kitchen, along with Jarvis, Maria, and their daemons, disappeared, and Tony—an adult now—was standing on the landing pad on Avengers Tower. He startled, and looked around, blinking at the sudden change in air temperature. It was night, the sky pitch black and filled with stars. Stars? In the middle of New York City?_

_“Tony!”_

_Tony whipped around, relaxing when he saw Steve, but the man walked towards Tony gripped his shoulders painfully._

_“Tony,” he repeated, voice urgent, “where are our daemons?”_

_Tony frowned. What did he mean? Prae was right-_

_Prae wasn’t there. Tony froze, a horrible pain spreading through him. He tried to get away from Steve, but the man was unrelenting._

_“Where’s my daemon, Tony?” His voice cracked. “Where is she?”_

_Tony shook his head. I’m sorry, I don’t know, I want to know where she is, too, but then he made the mistake of looking up._

_The sky was broken open, a massive hole right above where they were standing. Tony could distantly see a ship, a gargantuan ship, and strange, horrible aliens poured out of the wormhole, descending on the city. _

_Tony wrenched himself away from Steve, gasping. Where was the suit, he needed- needed to-_

_He was in the suit, in the wormhole, face to face with the alien ship, watching, helpless, his air running out, the thrusters not working, Jarvis not responding, a horrible, horrible pain all through him, and he was falling, down, down, down-  
_

Tony woke with a gasp, heart pounding. He brought his shaking hands up to his face, wiping away the sweat and pressing against his eyes as he curled in on himself, waiting for the world to stop spinning.

“Tony?”

Tony blinked, uncurling slightly and lowering his hands. He almost sobbed with relief when he saw Prae’s scared face looking at him, and he clutched his daemon to his chest, trying to calm his breathing. Prae brought his little hands up to Tony’s face, pulling on his goatee.

“We’re okay,” Prae said, voice small. “We’re together. We’re okay.”

Tony nodded, swallowing. “Yeah.” He winced at how hoarse his voice was, and gently untangled himself from the sheets, stretching. He made his way to the bathroom, Prae on his back, and filled a glass with cold water. He exhaled shakily, looking in the mirror. God, he looked like shit. Dark bags under his teary eyes, hair a mess, face pale. He groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face, and took a sip of water. 

“We’re not getting back to sleep, are we?”

Prae, trying to make Tony’s hair look a little better, shook his head. “Hot chocolate time?” he asked hopefully, and Tony let out a little laugh.

“Sure, buddy, sounds good.”

After grabbing a blanket, Tony, without thinking, made his way to the elevator, and pressed the button for the communal floor. He stepped in with a sigh, absentmindedly stroking Prae’s fur. 

Tony hadn’t had a dream like the first part of his nightmare in a while. He screwed his eyes shut, willing away the memory of Howard’s white-hot rage, the yelling, the fear, and instead tried to focus on how Jarvis’ arms had felt around him, the soft music he’d played, the happy atmosphere after Tony had started “helping” in the kitchen.

The only difference from his actual memory of that event was his mother. He hoped she’d really been there. 

The second part of the nightmare...Tony shuddered. Steve’s strange panic had been so strange, but Tony chalked it up to his own curiosity about the Captain’s daemon. The memory of the Chitauri attack and being in the wormhole was definitely the most unpleasant part of the whole dream. Tony sighed, gathering Prae up in his arms and pressing his face into his warm fur. It was over, he was alive, and Prae was here. Everything was okay.

Tony didn’t even notice that the elevator had stopped for a moment, only looking up when Prae tugged on his ear. He shuffled to the kitchen, focusing on making the hot chocolate. He let Prae have the first sip, and headed over to the balcony.

Tony didn’t register that the door was already opened, only being grateful that he didn’t have to open it himself. He sighed, breathing in the cool night air, and leaned against the railing, shooing Prae away from the hot chocolate and drinking some himself. He relaxed, watching the lights from the city. 

Hit with a sudden wave of panic, Tony looked up at the sky, and breathed a sigh of relief. No stars. Everything was fine.

“Tony?”

He froze. No stars, but Steve. Tony turned, and almost laughed at himself when he saw Steve. Clearly, the man had been out here before Tony, and he hadn’t even noticed. 

“Hey, Steve.” Tony frowned as he kept looking at Steve. He looked, well, terrible. Even worse than Tony. Not only was Steve pale, with dark circles, but he looked...heavy. Tony straightened up, and walked over to Steve. “You okay? You don’t look too hot.”

Steve’s eyes widened for a second, and he looked away, giving a minute shake of his head. “Can’t sleep,” he said quietly.

Tony sighed, putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Yeah. I get it.” He paused. “Want some hot chocolate? Good for the human and the daemon. Always calms me down.”

To his surprise, Steve only tensed, knuckles white where he gripped the railing. His eyes went foggy and distant, and Tony, cursing himself for whatever he’d said, put down his mug, placing gentle hands on Steve’s arm and back.

“Steve? Buddy? Can you hear me?”

Steve blinked, and turned to Tony, though his eyes were blank, staring at nothing. Tony looked at him, and swallowed. “Okay, I don’t know where you are right now, Steve, but it’s not where we really are. We’re in Avengers Tower, on the balcony off the communal floor. I’m right here. Come back to me, buddy.”

Steve blinked again, eyes filling with tears. His breathing came quick and shallow, and thought his eyes met Tony’s, Tony knew he wasn’t quite seeing him. 

“Steve?”

Steve inhaled sharply, eyes clearing, and tears spilled down his cheeks. He started shaking, and he grabbed Tony’s arms, gripping them almost painfully.

“Tony,” he gasped, “Tony, I don’t...Ama. She’s not here. I don’t know where she is. I- I can’t- Tony, _please-“_

Tony’s eyes widened, and he shook himself, unpleasantly reminded of his dream. “Steve, buddy,” he said slowly, “I don’t know what you mean.”

Prae suddenly tugged on Tony’s ear urgently. “Tony,” he whispered, “his daemon...they’re separated.”

Tony froze. “Steve?” he asked gently, “is your daemon...are you separated?”

Steve let out a sob, and nodded, curling in on himself and sinking to the ground, legs unable to support him. Tony went with him, his hands on Steve’s shoulders, and Prae jumped down to the ground, watching Steve with a worried, slightly horrified expression.

“She- the ice,” Steve sobbed, “it hurt, and she- she’s _gone,_ she’s gone, I don’t know where she is, I miss her, I- I-“ he stopped, gasping for breath, and Tony gently took his face in his hands.

“Hey, hey,” Tony soothed, “it’s okay, buddy, it’s okay.”

Though he was staying calm for Steve’s sake, Tony’s mind was a whirlwind as he tried to make sense of this. Steve—_Captain America_— had no daemon. They’d been separated when he went under. Steve had been alone all this time, and that meant Steve’s daemon, wherever she was, had been alone for almost 70 years. She could be anywhere. And even when they found her—because Tony decided right then that they would find her—a daemon going without her human for almost 70 years...would she even be sane? Tony shared a look with Prae. This was certainly unexpected.

Steve stopped, chest heaving, tears and snot still streaming down his face. “Tony,” he whimpered, “I- I can’t do this. I can’t do this without her.”

“Hey,” Tony said sharply, “yes you can. You’re Captain goddamn America. But,” he added, “you don’t need to worry anyway, because we’re going to find her.”

Steve stared at him, expression hopeful but disbelieving. “What?”

Tony smiled. “You heard me. We’re going to find your daemon.”

“Tony, I...” Steve trailed off, sniffing, and wiped his face with his sleeve, groaning. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for dumping that on you, it’s okay, you don’t need-“

“Steve.” Tony gave him a look. “You clearly needed to get that out, first of all, and second, don’t you dare apologize. You’re hurting.” He softened, and gave Steve a small smile. “I want to help. Let me.”

Steve blinked, then nodded. He tried to smile, and looked down. “Thanks, Tony,” he said quietly. “Thank you so much.”

Tony patted him in the shoulder, and got up with a groan. “Okay, now how about that hot chocolate?”

Steve nodded. Tony helped him up, and they went off to the kitchen, Prae following on Steve’s heels. They stayed in the kitchen, and Tony’s own mug lay cold and forgotten on the balcony.

Steve’s smile when he took his first sip of hot chocolate was bright, and Tony had never seen anything better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying to have a sort of update schedule but u kno what we’re just going to go wild  
Sorry this one’s kinda short smh
> 
> Thank you for continuing to read! Your support means everything <3
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say for myself
> 
> enjoy!

“A mission.” Steve repeated blankly.

“Yes. And you, Captain, are the only one who can do it.”

Steve blinked. “Why is that?”

Coulson stepped forward, placing a small file down in front of Steve. “There are traps everywhere. Daemon traps.”

“They catch and trap your daemon in another place,” Hill said. “Then you’re either separated, or simply can’t move, and are turned into a sitting duck.”

“And,” Steve said slowly, looking down at the file, “I don’t have a daemon, so it’s not a problem for me.” 

Fury nodded. “No one else can afford to take the risk. Of course, we’re sending Romanoff and Barton with you, just in case, but they won’t go in. You’re the only one who can do that.”

Steve sighed, and closed the file. “Alright.” He stood up. “I’ll do it.”

###

Steve was, frankly, humiliated. He’d gone and had a breakdown in front of Tony, and was now being treated like he was a little kid who’d just been told their pet died.

“You good?” Tony asked softly when Steve came down to the kitchen for breakfast, putting a hand on his shoulder. Steve nodded, ears burning, and avoided meeting Tony’s eyes.

As soon as Tony had asked if he’d wanted hot chocolate, Steve had been thrown back to before. His mother making him and Ama delicious hot chocolate during winter, Steve and the Commandoes drinking the stuff in a little café in France, Ama sticking her face in Bucky’s mug and making them all laugh. It had been a painful reminder of what Steve didn’t have. His old life. His daemon.

“I’ve had Jarvis looking for things,” Tony continued, and Steve snapped out of his thoughts, looking up. “Any ghost sightings, hauntings in small towns, lone caracals in the north and any warm-weather creatures where they don’t belong, that kinda stuff.”

Steve blinked, and a small smile spread across his face. “Thanks, Tony,” He said quietly. “Means a lot, that you’re helping me.”

Tony waved a hand. “I know you’d do the same. And...I know what it’s like, to not have your daemon. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.” He paused, looking down, and Praetikos put his little arms around Tony’s neck. “You’ve been alone for so long, now. Prae was only gone for a couple of days. It- I’m sorry.”

Steve didn’t say anything, but gently patted Tony’s forearm. Tony blinked, and gave a tiny smile, before heading down to the workshop. Prae nodded at Steve as they went.

The next few days were full of waiting. At first, Steve spent most of his time in the gym, but gradually began to sit in the workshop with Tony while he searched, sketchbook open on his knee.

The first few drawings were all things in the room. Half-finished creations, blueprints surrounded by tools and bits of metal, glowing screens suspended in midair.

Then, one day, Steve, watching as Tony spoke quietly to Jarvis, spinning a holographic globe, began to draw. After that, almost every page in that book was filled with Tony. Tony working, Tony smiling, Tony frowning, concentrating on something. Steve told himself that it was only because Tony was the most available subject, even when he ended up with a page full of just Tony after hanging out with the team one day.

“Hey,” Tony called, “found something!”

Steve looked up sharply from where he was doodling, taking in Tony in front of him. Tony was almost shaking with excitement, a grin spread across his face, bouncing on his heels. Steve put down his sketchbook and stood, almost not daring to hope. “Did- did you...?”

Tony’s grin faltered. “Not..exactly. Uh, it’s...here.” He pressed a button on his watch, and a holographic screen popped up between them. He turned, standing beside Steve and putting an arm around his shoulders. Steve tensed slightly, but then leaned into the touch as he looked at the information presented to him.

It was a story from small town (village?) in northern Canada, about a ghost.

“It made no noise, and would stare at you with vacant eyes,” Steve murmured, reading aloud. “It took the form of a strange wildcat. It appeared one day and left the next. Everyone’s daemons were terrified of it, and kept as far away as possible.” He turned to look at Tony, eyes wide. “You don’t think...?”

Tony shifted his feet, and stepped back, his arm dropping. “It could be. It’s the most concrete thing I’ve been able to find, but...that’s it.” He grimaced. “A story about a ghost. There’s no more detail, and nothing about where it went or anything.” He sighed, and scratched the back of his head. “Sorry, Steve. I just got excited.”

Steve looked down, trying to push away his disappointment. He’d already known it wasn’t going to be that easy. “No need to apologize,” he said softly, forcing himself to smile. “The fact that you’re doing this at all means so much to me.”

Tony shrugged. “Anyone would do the same.” Prae poked him harshly on he cheek, and he yelped, flinching back. “Okay, yeah, you’re welcome, Cap. It’s really no problem.”

Prae rolled his eyes, and Steve smiled genuinely, though he couldn’t help a burning feeling of jealousy. It was the little things like that that he missed. 

_Whatever. Don’t think about it._

He gave Tony a nod, and left the workshop.

The next few days were full of waiting and false alarms, and Steve felt himself growing agitated. He was almost glad that he was going on the mission - it would give him something to do, and fighting always distracted him, and let him get pent up energy out.

The day before he mission, he was standing in the kitchen, unable to remember why he’d come in there. It was a strange day - he’d woken up feeling odd and detached, and it was as though static was filling his brain. He looked at the mug in his hands, not quite knowing how it got there, or what he was meant to do with it. 

Blinking slowly, he set it down on the counter, and was about to leave, when a voice startled him.

“Steve!”

He turned around as Tony bolted into the kitchen, breathing heavily. There were dark circles under his eyes, but he was grinning.

“We found something.”

Steve wasn’t aware of following Tony into he elevator. All he knew was that suddenly he was standing in the workshop, staring at a grainy picture of a caracal in the snow.

_Ama._

He stepped forward, one shaking hand reaching out as if to touch the screen. “Ama,” he breathed. He knew it was her. He could feel it with a certainty that was unrivalled by anything else he’d ever felt. That was his daemon. 

He turned to Tony, who was watching him with a smile. “It’s her,” Steve said quietly. “It’s her.”

Tony nodded. “That was taken in northern Canada, 1963. We’re going to keep looking from there.”

Steve grabbed him and pulled him into a hug, somehow ecstatic yet strangely apathetic. Tony tensed for a moment, then laughed and wrapped his arms around Steve, gently patting him on the back. The warmth felt good, grounding, and Steve tightened his grip, shaking slightly.

“Anytime, buddy,” Tony said breathlessly. “Have I ever mentioned that you give good hugs? Bit tight, though.”

Steve pulled away, dipping his head. “Sorry. Thank you, Tony. So much. I’m so glad you were able to find something, especially since I’m leaving tomorrow morning-“

“Wait,” Tony interrupted, “what? Leaving? Why?”

“A mission.” Steve shifted his feet. “It’s important. I’m the only one who can do it. Natasha and Clint are coming, too, but they’re not going in with me. Too dangerous.”

Tony narrowed his eyes. “It’s too dangerous for the best agents SHIELD has?”

“There are traps. For your daemon.”

Tony’s eyes widened, and he took a small step back. Prae visibly winced, tightening his grip on Tony’s shoulder. Tony shook his head. “I don’t like it, Steve.”

“I know,” Steve said, “but it’s okay. They don’t-“ he swallowed- “the traps won’t affect me. I’ll be fine, Tony.”

“You’d better be.”

Steve smiled. It felt like it sat wrong on his face. “Don’t worry. I’m coming home safe. I’ll only be gone for a couple of days.”

Tony nodded, and gave a strained smile. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Steve nodded as he walked away, mind strangely blank. So, they were getting closer to finding his daemon. Ama. Why wasn’t he happy? He squeezed his eyes shut. It didn’t feel real. Nothing did.

_Oh, Ama. Why can’t you be here with me?_

The elevator dinged, and he stepped off of it, on autopilot as he got to his room and dug his uniform out of the closet. The mission. He could do that. Focus on the mission.

He gently spread the uniform out on his bed, took one look at his shield, and burst into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! Comments and kudos make my day <3
> 
> (Have the other hdm fans reading been watching the show? I’m so excited, and it’s so good so far! Pan is absolutely adorable.)


	8. Chapter 8

_The world is changing._

_Amasarrah walked slowly down a paved street, watching a car she didn’t recognize drive past. People laughed nearby, their daemons laying down. They were acting strangely, and Ama recognized symptoms of alcohol consumption. She blinked, and continued on._

_She was half of a whole, missing something, but she couldn’t remember what it was. Something...someone..? Blond hair, blue eyes, warm laugh. She couldn’t remember if- if-_

_She was sitting outside of a bar, not able to remember how she’d gotten there. Ama looked up hazily at a smiling man, holding hands with another. _

_She blinked as they...kissed? That couldn’t be right. She couldn’t remember why, but...it didn’t make sense. You couldn’t do that. They’d hurt you. Steve had..._

_Steve. He was important, but how? Who was he? Had Ama known him? She must have. _

_Steve had wanted to kiss men, but was afraid. He hid it. Hated it. Clearly, he didn’t have to. Ama brightened. She could find him, and tell him, she could-_

_But how? How could she find him? _

_Who was she supposed to find?_

_She couldn’t remember._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (sorry this is so short! thats why I wanted to get it out early)  
thank you for continuing to read! comments and kudos make my day <3


End file.
